Showing posts with label Thailand. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thailand. Show all posts

Sunday, 1 June 2014

People I've Met On The Road – Paul & Rose

Paul and Rose
The year was 1986. I had met an English girl in Tokyo while living there for 2 years as a TEFL Teacher. As a relationship it had been a troublesome start, but when the time came for me to leave Japan she had surprised me by asking to join me backpacking from Tokyo to England. Incidentally, that girl is now my wife, but that's another story.

I had a route planned through Asia and then on the Trans-Siberian Express from Beijing back to Europe. A fellow traveller had told me about the little island of Koh Samet in Thailand. Arriving in Bangkok we headed across country by bus and eventually took a boat to the island. It was beautiful, and back then it had hardly started to become developed. We headed for what I had heard was a very secluded beach, arranging a ride on the back of an agricultural tuk tuk with a few others. Left in the jungle, we were pointed down through the dense undergrowth. Suspicious that they had taken our money and dumped us in the bush, we headed cautiously through the narrow jungle path and finally came out on high ground looking down over what we were told was called 'Paradise Beach'.

Koh Samet. A recent pic. Things are more developed now.

Paradise
There is no question about it, by any westerner's standards, this was paradise. A small hidden bay with
a sweep of clean, white sand and a few thatched huts scattered at the back of the beach. Nearer the beach there was a kind of larger wooden platform with a thatched shelter over it. This was the cafe. Food was cooked on the floor by a young local woman on two basic calor gas burners. The kitchen consisted of a large plank of wood on a makeshift wooden trestle for chopping and two big buckets of water. But have no doubts, the cuisine – tropical fruits picked from the surrounding jungle and fish that were abundant in the facing sea – was out of this world. I have never tasted Red Snapper like it and the tropical breakfasts were to die for. And all this for minimal cash. The lady cook had many times, we were told, been propositioned by western restauranteurs but had refused to leave. Why would you?

There was little to do on Paradise Beach, but what there was felt just perfect. People read, swam and sipped mango juice or beer. In the evenings we all sat around the 'cafe' eating and drinking. Sometimes someone played a guitar and people sang. Once or twice in the three or four weeks we were there, we went fishing on the boat owned by the locals who casually 'ran' the cafe and beach huts. The huts were absolutely basic. Little rats lived in the gap between the thatch and would poke their heads out and look at you. They were fairly cute rats really. They never harmed us, although one ran across my feet once as we lay in bed – a thin mattress on the wooden floor.



Fellow Travellers
We got to know a number of people staying on the beach. A young Swedish couple, Lars and Anja, in the next hut to us who were so alike that many there thought they must be brother and sister. The huts had thin walls. It seemed unlikely to us, we politely assured them.

We became friendly with a couple of Canadians. They were from a town way up in the wilds of Northern Canada. Paul wore checked shirts and looked for all the world like a burly young lumberjack, which he was not. His partner was quite a lot older. Rose was a school teacher. She kept herself to herself at first. She wore thick glasses and read a lot. Like a classic overworked schoolmistress stereotype, Rose wasn't making the best of herself visually. Her hair was kind of nondescript and hung in her eyes. She wore dowdy clothes, even on a beach, and she had a slightly downbeat manner. Paul was not only younger, he was optimistic and cheerful. He didn't read books. He swam and sat with me drinking beer. We laughed a lot and talked about dirt biking. Eventually Rose came out of her shell and drank a few beers with us one evening. Gradually her whole physical appearance seemed to change. In fact when we went for a late night swim, it became obvious that her general attire and body language had been hiding a rather handsome figure beneath. More beer and some Mai Tai whiskey loosened Rose up no end and it was not long before I felt brave enough to ask her how she and Paul came together.

A Long Courtship
"Oh well it's a funny story really," she said, chuckling to herself. Maybe we'll tell you one day.
She looked over at Paul, shyly. Paul told her to carry on and tell the story. Rose being a teacher of English Literature, told it well. Her timing and her powers of description had us all entranced. I will try to do it justice in my recounting of it:

"The town where we live is one of those kind of one horse towns where everyone knows each other from school. Most of us are probably distant cousins somewhere along the line. Well that's a bit of an exaggeration, the population is probably a hundred thousand but you get the picture I'm sure. There's not much to do in our town after work except drink and watch movies or TV. Paul goes dirt bike riding with friends, but even that's an excuse for drinking beer. My husband was the headmaster of the high-school where I work. We'd been married for around 12 years when I discovered he'd been having an affaire with a waitress. That waitress was Paul's wife. I didn't know them back then."

I think we were all surprised at Rose telling us this in such a matter of fact way (my girlfriend and I and the Swedish couple), given that she had stayed silent for our first few days, but she seemed to be rather enjoying it.

"Now I had always wanted to travel," explained Rose. "I pleaded with my husband for us to go travelling together even before we were married, but he was always against it. It was the money, or it was that there was plenty to see and do close by, or it was the risk of one of our parents getting sick while we were away. He had plenty of excuses. There was absolutely no persuading this man, however hard I tried and despite some compensations – being the wife of the local headmaster carrys with it some status in our town – it made me feel miserable and really like I was kind of wasting my life, you know? So when I discovered his dalliances with your friend there's hot little wife, I was pretty mad. There was me sacrificing my innocent desires for him, while he was getting busy amusing himself with a waitress half his age and a quarter of his intellect – I'm sorry Paul, but you know it's true."

"I know that Rose, I know that. I was drunk when I met her and she told me next week she'd fallen pregnant. Marrying her seemed the nice thing to do. It was a bummer to find out she made it up but what the hell."

"Paul is too nice for his own good, you see. My husband was not the first as it turns out, but he was a class above the philanderers she was used to, and being a rabid opportunist she wasn't going to let that chance go by, oh no! She hung on. And this is the bit that hurts. Do you know within a week of me confronting them in that motel, that son of a bitch (excuse me but I called him worse), he had quit his job and moved in with her. Moreover by the end of the week he had called around and told me I could keep the house (a big mortgage anyway!) because they were so happy together and him and Marianne were going travelling. Off around the world! My goddam dream.
Can you imagine my anger? I told him I wanted all his stuff out of the house. I didn't want a sign nor smell of him in that house ever again."

We four in the audience all agreed that her anger must have been unimaginable. But what next?

"Well pretty soon they'd gone," said Rose. "The whole town was talking as you can imagine. Then one night I got a call from him. My love-struck husband that is. He said Marianne's husband (that's Paul here) being such a good-hearted guy, had said he could store his stuff at Paul's appartment and that Paul would be calling round with his pick-up the next day to collect it. I mean, I thought well, this guy Paul must be some kind of simpleton – sorry darling, but you know. Well Paul came the next day – it was a Saturday – and he worked his butt off carrying all this stuff out to his truck. It was a beastly hot day and I felt sorry for him. When he'd finished I called him onto the porch for a cold beer and a sandwich. I think I was quite moved by how kind he was, and how generous spirited he was being about it all under the circumstances. Anyway the next day he called me and said he'd left his car-jack behind and could he call round and maybe he could invite me out for a pizza so we could talk all this over a bit more. I could see how he needed to talk to someone so I said yes.
So this kind of became a weekly thing. We helped each other. I told him about the travelling thing and that it was this more than losing my husband or being cheated upon that was making me so mad. The next week Paul came with a Lonely Planet guide and pitched the idea to me of him escorting me travelling. He'd always wanted to travel too, or at least that's what he said. And so that's how we're here."

The sun had disappeared over the horizon now and it seemed like a fitting way to end the story. The four of us others made lots of 'Oh how amazing' kind of comments and then turned to Paul to say what a great and thoughtful thing he'd done. He was embarrassed. There was a kind of void still hanging there though. Something we needed to know, yet none of us could identify exactly what. But Paul knew instinctively.

"Well I did wanna be kind to her, of course. She was pretty cut up and angry. But to be honest... Well, I'd always liked older women y'see. Especially librarians and... well I think I used to have a crush on my English teacher in school, so you know, you don't think that could happen in reality. But it was always a kind of a thing for me."

"But Paul, you mean?" exclaimed Rose, suddenly. She searched for words. "God, I never thought..."

We were all stunned. They had been away for a month already, travelling through China, Vietnam and Cambodia. Surely the opportunity would have come up before now?

"I... I didn't wanna be pushy," said Paul. "Yeah it does seem a long time to wait, I know, but I kinda thought if we came away together, then maybe..."

In the stillness, only the waves could be heard, breaking gently onto the sand. None of us wanted to break that silence.

"I suppose I was waiting for the right moment," said Paul finally.

Rose sat there staring into her glass. Paul had sensed he should probably give up trying to explain. Perhaps he'd totally blown it now. He looked annoyed with himself.
I think we all felt uncomfortable for them. For Paul in particular. One of us tried to change the subject. I offered to go to get more drinks but neither Paul nor Rose responded – not until eventually Rose put down her glass and stood up. Reaching out, she took Paul by the hand and brought him to his feet. Silently she led him down the beach. In the glow of the stuttering oil lamps reflecting on the water we watched her lead him into the sea and then gently fold her arms around him. Cautiously he bent to kiss her. I think Anja sighed. Sinking into the cool black water they bobbed about for a while, talking. Then after a few minutes we saw the silhouettes of their two heads growing smaller as they swam slowly away.
"Breakfast must be strange tomorrow I think," murmured Lars.



If you would like to read the bestselling travel book 'Long Road, Hard Lessons' by Mark Swain, you can find this and his two collections of short stories on Amazon, Smashwords etc.

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Sunday, 9 March 2014

Gap Year Travel

Why Should Kids Have All The Fun?

Many of us parents now find ourselves talking to teenage kids about what they will do on their gap year. So excited was my youngest daughter at 13, to see my son set off to cycle across the world, that she immediately began planning her own pre-university adventure. I began to take notice; and there was no doubt about it, the majority of teenagers now see it as an issue of not if they will have a gap year, but when - perhaps along with who will pay for it. For many it comes a close second to completing a university entrance form (UCAS in the UK). I don't begrudge them that. I do believe that a gap year can be a valuable part of a kid's education – learning the stuff they don't teach you in school. Useful stuff like how other people live and how lucky we are to have what we have. Learning how to speak other languages or even how to better communicate with people who do speak our own tongue. They can learn a lot. Learning where other places are in the world and what kinds of people live there. Learning how to get out of trouble and how to avoid it. Learning how to seek out a bargain or the best quality in things with limited funds. Learning the value of a good pair of boots, a comfortable bed and a wholesome meal. Why kids don't learn most of these things at school or at home anymore I don't know, but I won't get going on that one.



So basically then, a gap year is a great idea, even if you can't get your parents to pay for it and it has to involve work (actually I think it can sometimes be better that way). But what about those of us who left school before gap years were thought of? Well in fact there were gap years for the well-off around the turn of the 19th century and before – they were know as The Grand Tour – but I doubt anyone reading this will be that old. I have to say that was my feeling when my kids started to talk about gap years. "I wouldn't have minded having one of those myself!"

Grown-up Gap Years?
And why not? Sure it's great if you can go off and learn about the world before you embark upon a life of adulthood. There's no doubt in my mind that travel or working abroad will make a young person far more employable in the world of work and far better parents too, when the time comes. But that is not to say that this is the only way. There are a great many reasons for taking an extended break from work later on in life. Here are a few:

1. You didn't get one when you finished school so you feel you missed out, compared to others.

2. Your experience of the world is limited so you feel unable to share conversations with friends or your own children and grandchildren.

3. You are bored with the same old living and working environments.

4. You are stressed after years of work and have seen others getting sick from overwork.

5. You need fresh impetus in your life - both privately and in your work. A fresh look at things. An extended trip away might help you to find a new direction.

6. Your job has ended and you don't know what to do next. You need to clear your head – look at things from a distance.

7. You have retired and you want to catch up on things you've missed out on.

8. You find yourself single again and want to meet some different people in new environments that might spark unexpected friendships, or even a romance.

9. You are tired of short, expensive package holidays and want to go overland travelling, like you did when you were young. Backpacking and staying in hostels.

10. You want to have some adventures before it's too late. Before you are too old or unfit to enjoy it.

I did not necessarily think I needed an adult gap year. At 42 I had been running my own successful consultancy business for 3 years. Before that I had had several careers and had lived in many other countries. I had taken lots of breaks from work to go overland travelling before my children wore born, so I did not feel deprived. But I was working too hard. My son was 10yrs old and just getting to the age where we could go off on little adventures together – cycling, hiking and camping, mainly. It was after our first cycle / camping trip together one freezing English December, that Sam asked me if I would take a year off work when he finished school.
"What for?" I asked him.
"Well, I wondered if you'd cycle to Japan with me," he replied, nonchalantly.
8 years later we set off. But not before I had gone through a good deal of worry, trying to find someone to run my business while I was away.



As I have said, I did not need a gap year in the same way that other parents undoubtedly do. Or at least I didn't think I did. But the truth was I was overworked. Stressed. I had begun to focus only on work, with my family-life coming a poor second. I was there to provide for my family, I told myself. Someone had to pay for it all! But what I discovered over the next eight years, while I prepared for that gap year (actually I only started taking it seriously as a prospect about three years before we went), was that my family didn't want me to work so hard. My kids just wanted more time with me. My wife too, I think. She certainly didn't want to see me get a heart attack – and that was probably the way I was heading. So as I said, finding someone to run my business was a tough challenge just in order to escort Sam on a cycle trip from Ireland to Japan, but once we set off I realised something important. I didn't care about not earning so much money for a year. I didn't even care if I came home to find my business had folded. I had enough money for the trip and an adequate house. Why did I need more? My wife told me I should become a sculptor upon my return, since that is what I love doing. But the absence of phone calls, letters on the mat, bills, toilet cisterns needing mending or light bulbs changing – it was a revelation. I felt free in a way I almost never had. Not as an adult anyway. I felt reborn and I had hardly even been away for three days!



Why had I not done this before, I asked myself? I think because it never seemed possible. Too expensive. Too much time away. Perhaps it would have seemed irresponsible? My wife had certainly helped by telling me it was okay to do it. Good to do it, in fact. "You're allowed to enjoy it," she said.
But in the main, it happened because my son asked me to do it. Looking back, I can see that otherwise I probably would not have taken a break at all. Most likely I'd have kept driving myself to make my business evermore profitable, until I got sick or had an accident. Then I would have taken a break. Except I would never have been able to cycle 10,000 gruelling miles with an 18yr old. Not after a heart attack or cancer. No, I have my son to thank for my health, my peace of mind and a great later life.

Incidentally, I did not come home to find my business had folded. I found my new business partner had increased business by 45%. He told me he was happy continuing to run it largely without me. As a result I sat down to with my son to write a book about our experience (more about the trip and the book on my cycle travel blog) which subsequently became an Amazon bestseller. I never imagined myself becoming a writer or giving motivational talks to businesspeople, but I can see now that was my destiny. It's a life that fits me well, but I would probably never have achieved it if I had resisted taking those ten months off work to go with my son on his gap year. You will be unsurprised to hear that the trip did wonders for our father-son relationship (also an issue covered in the book).



Video of us cycling through 'The High Range of Travancore,' Munar, India. Click arrow.

My gap year was an adventure trip, covering 10,000 miles from the west coast of Ireland, across Europe, through Turkey, Iran, India, Thailand, Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam, China and Korea and finally ending in Tokyo. But not all gap year trips need to be this way. I had an older friend in Japan who I taught English to when I was 25. He was a senior manager of a major Japanese trading company. An important and well paid job, but one he found rather mundane. Outside of work he had an interest in wild flowers and also watercolour painting. When he retired, he took a trip to a number of countries – Indonesia, Malaysia, Australia and China – seeking out unusual indigenous wild flowers and painting them. This eventually brought him to the attention of an international botanical society who asked him to submit some of his work. Over time it led to his becoming an honorary fellow of the society, giving talks all over the world. He had never imagined he could do such a thing. Unfortunately he died a couple of years ago. He told me he felt fulfilled by his post-retirement activities but wished he might have taken that first trip when he was a little younger. Who knows how that might have changed his life?

To find out more about my adult gap year, try reading the book about the trip, Long Road Hard Lessons. You will find links to the book in the right hand margin of this blog, or just enter the title of the book into your local amazon search box. You can also search for other books by Mark Swain or see other blogs via the links at the top of this blog.
Thanks for reading – and remember to make the most of your life.